I've been working at the ballet NGO for over a year now, and the staff has put me through the ringer in many different ways, despite the many things I've done for the school (just take a look at the archives in this category). But I've stuck with it because I really enjoy teaching and I love the kids, and don't want to blame them for something that has nothing to do with them. But last night, I decided that my time there may be coming to end.
Last night was the annual school show, the only time of year that all of the students come together to perform in a professional setting. Earlier in the week, when I was about to leave for ballet class, I got an email saying there was no class since they'd be rehearsing, and if I'd like to come help, I should go to the theater. Since the rehearsal had started earlier, I figured I'd get there at the end and it wouldn't be much help. I emailed her explaining that.
So later in the week, I showed up to the show about fifteen minutes early, really excited to see my kids perform, since I've been working with my group since last April and really wanted to see how the results of their hard work on stage. As soon as I got there, however, one of the school assistant grabbed me and told me to head backstage. Confused, I told her, "But I came to see the show." She shrugged and said, "The director says she needs your help." I went backstage as the director was running out, and there didn't appear to be anything to do. Plus, all of the paid employees were there, as well as the full-time volunteer (all dressed in the official tee-shirt, by the way). The director came back and informed me, "You'll be staying here during the show to help. They need help with the little ones especially, and with the costumes." I didn't bother to argue, but I was pissed.
It's not that I don't like hanging out with the kids. They were cute as buttons, and my ill humor helped intimidate the little ones into mostly behaving. I barely got to see the kids from my class, however, who excitedly greeted me and then ran off to get ready. One of them said wistfully, "I wish you could watch us dance." I shrugged, exasperated, and replied, "Me, too." In the end, I did very little: I helped some of the little kids change (though there was plenty of staff to do so), helped some kids zip and tie their costumes, and shushed the kids from time to time. I didn't see a single moment of the show. As soon as it ended and they corralled the kids on the stage to supposedly organize clean-up groups, I peaced out.
The thing about volunteering is that it is just that: a voluntary act. The show only happens once a year, and I don't think I'll be here next year. I do want to help out and be useful, but I also really resent being ordered around like an employee, and also appreciate being asked ahead of time if I'm willing to work. It just makes me see how little I'm appreciated and how they seem to think I'm there to be used at will.
Since the class I'm giving now is meant to train the kids for the professional school audition, which happens in late February, I'm considering ending my tenure then. I'll miss my kids, but hopefully some will be able to move on to the professional school. There are plenty of good causes in this city, and maybe even a few where my hard work would be appreciated.