The Do's & Don'ts of a Brazilian Wedding

Though I'd been to Brazilian weddings before, I'd never been in the wedding party before my recent visit to Brazil. Though some of these things could apply to any wedding party, a few of them are more specific to Brazilian-style celebrations. Here's what I learned through my experience, and I'm also interested to hear from others about their experiences as well.

Do's

• Pick a great dress. A big difference from American-style weddings and some Brazilian weddings is that the bride doesn't pick the bridesmaids' gowns. In my case, she gave three requirements: the dress had to be long and a single color, and no two bridesmaids could have the same exact color. I found something simple at David's Bridal that the bride approved via Skype, and in the end, it turned out to be better than I expected.
• Decide ahead of time on your hairstyle. If you're going to go to a salon with the other bridesmaids, come prepared with a photo and specifics about what you want. I waited until the last minute and only with my sister-in-law's help did I figure something out, but I wished I'd had something more specific in mind.
• Get a really nice gift. Though some couples do have gift registries, others don't, and you're expected to bring a gift or money. Getting something really special (especially if you're living abroad and can get something that would otherwise be really expensive in Brazil) means a lot. My parents sent a Wii as their gift, and it was a huge hit with the whole family.
• Participate in the preparations. I arrived in time to help with the final preparations and I was so glad I did. It's hard to do much from far away so it was fun to be able to help out in the days leading up to the wedding, like helping with the seating chart or joing them to pick up the suits.
• Plan for a marathon. I didn't sleep enough the day before or eat enough the day of the wedding, then drank too much during the party, then got really sleepy toward the end of the night, and then was a tad groggy the day after. This wasn't the best plan for what was basically a two day, almost non-stop event, given the big barbecue the day after the wedding.

Don'ts

• Buy uncomfortable shoes. I did this. This was a mistake. The ceremony at the church was longer than I expected, and since we had to remain standing the whole time, I wound up doing an awkward little dance to alternate from foot to foot. Though I brought flip flops in the car for the party, along with a few other women, I was the first one to give in and take my shoes off, and I was amazed they could hold out so long, and disappointed in myself for not being able to last in my heels.
• Let anyone but the bride boss you around. In this case, the bride was very sweet and didn't boss me around at all (I kind of wished she would), but the hairdresser at the salon was kind of bossy. With the help of my sister-in-law, I bargained down the "long hair" updo price and convinced her not to do a blowout before the updo (I kept explaining that my hair is very, very straight)
• Get in the cameraperson/people's way. At this wedding, there was a team of three - one photographer and two videographers, and at times they were a bit like airport runway controllers. I didn't want to cross them.
• Forget people's names. This is mostly a mental issue I have in general, but it's especially bad after you've been introduced to someone and run into them later in the evening. Thankfully, for extended family members or older family friends, it's sometimes safe to just call them Tio or Tia.
• Worry too much about goodbyes. Sometimes, there will be a big emotional farewell and the guests will wind up staying another hour or two. But I've found this to be true of lots of Carioca gatherings, so a wedding is no exception.

What about you? Do you have any fun Brazilian wedding stories?

Some photos after the jump.

Brazilian Wedding Extravaganza

Vascaino Cake Topper

 Heaven, or one of the dessert tables

Cutest flower girls ever

Walking down the aisle

Comments

[polyana]

i always get really upset with myself when i don't hold out for as long as others with heels at parties too... glad i'm not the only one, haha

[mallory elise]

:) well i didn't have a wedding, it was in the cartorio. but many friends and family came dressed up anyways.

here's my only experience: i've only been to one actual wedding so far, a cousin in SP and i would say the main difference between this wedding and your brother in law's was the budget. the dessert table and venue at his wedding looks beautiful, and knowing brazil, was big bucks. at the wedding i went to the budget was a bit (extremely, is an understatement) limited EVEN thogh they spent thousands and thousands, it just wasn't enough. In brazil, it seems that if you spend the same amount of money on a wedding that would be great in the US, it would still be mediocre in Brazil. saving is necessary, and i feel like if you dont have the funds to go all out, you should shorten your guest list. The church was rushed; one wedding 5 minutes after another. AND our bloody family came into the church in t-shirts and sneakers, it was horrid. even my brother in law was wearing a skater outfit--i was ready to kill him--and then the party afterward was a steep climb up a hill (lovely) the room was smaller than an elementary school cafeteria and did not have enough tables or chairs, many were standing on top of each other, and those who were seated were stuck, no way out. waiters served TANG and little hot dog sandwiches. there was a really pretty cake, but that was about it. then the rest of our family showed up in jeans and t-shirts to see if they could get in on the free beer, i don't even know if they knew whose wedding it was! it was very disappointing for my first brazil wedding since i'd heard of such beautiful events, i felt out of place in fancy shoes and dress and i felt like i had joined a family of rude barbarians. but then again, this is just our family. it made me realize that in brazil, a wedding just isn't worth it unless you have a LOT of money to do it right. i also realized that the manners of the adults and children in my family are horrid, migrants from bahia or not, t-shirts in a church is inapropriate, here we are back to education! root of all evil...

but i LOVED your comment about don't get in the photographer's way, because he is supposed to not be in your way!! i'm photographing my first big wedding in June in the States and then hope to start doing it here in Brazil. guess what. it's been 10 months and i still haven't gone to a hair dresser. ha, scared? maybe :P

[Simone]

I was going to say the same Poly said although the only time I have been into a wedding was past November! lol The only thing I regret about wearing awesome high heels was spending over R$300 on a pair of shoes just for the occasion! But they were soooo pretty that I kept them until the very end... well, at least until I got into the car back home. :)

PS: my trick? got a special set of shoe platform (for R$19) otherwise I would have made it ;)

[Daniel]

Oi Rachel! É o seu casamento? Caso seja, eu a aconselho a assistir o programa Papo Calcinha do canal à cabo multishow para a sua lua-de-mel, caso você esteja no Brasil. É um programa brasileiro muito instrutivo e muito família.Você não se arrenpederá! XD

[Ernest Barteldes]

You neglected to say that there are no real bridesmaids in Brazil but 'wedding godparents (padrinhos)' in the same fashion as in Portugal and Italy. Either couple can have as many 'padrinhos'as they wish. Once, I attended a wedding in Brazil and there were more padrinhos than actual guests... I felt like an outsider.

On my own wedding there (the one that ended in divorce) we had four sets of padrinhos. Mine were my lawyer, my boss and my oldest and youngest aunts and their respective husbands - even when my mother wasnt speaking to them due to a feud created at the time of my grandmother's death.

The humorous part was that the priest was late... so we missed having a sunset wedding. But I guess that is life.