Though I'd been to Brazilian weddings before, I'd never been in the wedding party before my recent visit to Brazil. Though some of these things could apply to any wedding party, a few of them are more specific to Brazilian-style celebrations. Here's what I learned through my experience, and I'm also interested to hear from others about their experiences as well.
Do's
Pick a great dress. A big difference from American-style weddings and some Brazilian weddings is that the bride doesn't pick the bridesmaids' gowns. In my case, she gave three requirements: the dress had to be long and a single color, and no two bridesmaids could have the same exact color. I found something simple at David's Bridal that the bride approved via Skype, and in the end, it turned out to be better than I expected.
Decide ahead of time on your hairstyle. If you're going to go to a salon with the other bridesmaids, come prepared with a photo and specifics about what you want. I waited until the last minute and only with my sister-in-law's help did I figure something out, but I wished I'd had something more specific in mind.
Get a really nice gift. Though some couples do have gift registries, others don't, and you're expected to bring a gift or money. Getting something really special (especially if you're living abroad and can get something that would otherwise be really expensive in Brazil) means a lot. My parents sent a Wii as their gift, and it was a huge hit with the whole family.
Participate in the preparations. I arrived in time to help with the final preparations and I was so glad I did. It's hard to do much from far away so it was fun to be able to help out in the days leading up to the wedding, like helping with the seating chart or joing them to pick up the suits.
Plan for a marathon. I didn't sleep enough the day before or eat enough the day of the wedding, then drank too much during the party, then got really sleepy toward the end of the night, and then was a tad groggy the day after. This wasn't the best plan for what was basically a two day, almost non-stop event, given the big barbecue the day after the wedding.
Don'ts
Buy uncomfortable shoes.I did this. This was a mistake. The ceremony at the church was longer than I expected, and since we had to remain standing the whole time, I wound up doing an awkward little dance to alternate from foot to foot. Though I brought flip flops in the car for the party, along with a few other women, I was the first one to give in and take my shoes off, and I was amazed they could hold out so long, and disappointed in myself for not being able to last in my heels.
Let anyone but the bride boss you around. In this case, the bride was very sweet and didn't boss me around at all (I kind of wished she would), but the hairdresser at the salon was kind of bossy. With the help of my sister-in-law, I bargained down the "long hair" updo price and convinced her not to do a blowout before the updo (I kept explaining that my hair is very, very straight)
Get in the cameraperson/people's way. At this wedding, there was a team of three - one photographer and two videographers, and at times they were a bit like airport runway controllers. I didn't want to cross them.
Forget people's names. This is mostly a mental issue I have in general, but it's especially bad after you've been introduced to someone and run into them later in the evening. Thankfully, for extended family members or older family friends, it's sometimes safe to just call them Tio or Tia.
Worry too much about goodbyes. Sometimes, there will be a big emotional farewell and the guests will wind up staying another hour or two. But I've found this to be true of lots of Carioca gatherings, so a wedding is no exception.
What about you? Do you have any fun Brazilian wedding stories?
As promised, here is part II on the Rio violence that took place during the last week of November, and some observations about what happened.
When you take a look at the order of events, it seems to mirror a series of attacks that took place in Sao Paulo in 2006, as organized crime groups defied police and terrified the populace by setting fire to vehicles and attacking police stations. Though there were two times as many deaths in the Sao Paulo attacks, the events in Rio served as a turning point in its civil war.
The attacks, which were originally reported as coming from orders from prisoners in a maximum security prison in Parana, were then supposedly all being organized and commanded by drug traffickers in Complexo de Alemao. The reasoning behind the attacks was allegedly to undermine police pacification efforts in the UPPs in several Rio favelas, which are meant to combat drug trafficking and violence and for the police to win the confidence of local residents. But the attacks weren't just directly against the police; they were generalized "terrorist" attacks in a gruesome display of power all over the city:
Thus the first component of the week of violence: a power struggle. The UPPs have had some success so far, but those closely following their progress claim there is still a long way to go before declaring victory. Also, more key favelas remain to be integrated into the project, including Rocinha and Vidigal, two of the city's largest slums. Though drug trafficking has hardly come to a standstill because of the UPPs, drug traffickers have been losing ground to the police in key areas of the city, and though the police still are not beloved by all (to put it mildly), they are managing to gain more trust from locals as drug traffickers, who traditionally provided services to residents, are being edged out. This is an ongoing struggle, as a part of Rio's so-called civil war. But these attacks were meant to show the ability of organized crime to take over the city, a prospect so terrifying that it practically paralyzed the city for a few days. But the backlash by the police and army was meant to send a clear message: drug traffickers don't stand a chance when the government actually puts its foot down and sends in the troops. This struggle between traffickers and police is far from over, so this power struggle will continue to manifest itself, though hopefully not on a city-wide scale again.
The other component of the events was the dynamic of good guy vs bad guy, which is usually much more ambiguous. Because Cariocas were so terrified by the week's events, they were more than happy to see the police invading the favelas and using a show of force against the drug traffickers. Though the civil and military police have historically been as much a part of the problem as the drug traffickers in contributing to Rio's woes, the week of terror transformed them into the good guys in the eyes of those outside of the favelas. Normally, Brazilians are wary of these types of policemen; according to a recent study, around a quarter of Brazilians have no trust in civil and military police, while around 44 percent have little trust. But last week, that changed, at least temporarily, as some Cariocas called for blood and gleefully watched as the police arrested and killed traffickers. But those living in the favelas saw that things hadn't changed overnight. Complaints began pouring in that cops had invaded and destroyed property in innocent people's homes, and some even complained that the police robbed them, including money and electronics. More on good guys vs bad guys: an interesting op ed on this subject from Yahoo! Brazil.
According to some analysts, both the UPPs and last week's favela takeover are largely só para inglês ver, in other words, to show outsiders that Rio is taking concrete steps to improve public safety, especially in light of the upcoming Olympics and World Cup. While I agree to some extent, I'd argue that last week's events were also para Carioca ver, showing that when under pressure, the government finally took action that could have been taken long ago (namely, arresting the main traffickers in Complexo de Alemao and establishing a government presence within the favela). The powers that be realized that if they didn't do something on a large enough scale, the situation would become untenable. As far as pleasing foreigners goes, I'd say that in theory, it was intended to be a positive PR move to inspire confidence, but it essentially just scared people even more. Talking to those unfamiliar with Rio realities, they just seemed to take in the parts about the violence, and not so much about the military takeover. Plus, the pictures were enough to scare even intrepid travelers:
Though it would make sense to tackle Rio's problems in order to better serve its residents, time will tell to see how this pacification strategy plays out, especially as 2014 grows nearer.
The other component of the week of violence was the concept of reality vs fantasy, as Cariocas outside of the affected areas and Brazilians from other states interpreted the events taking place as they might with movies, like Tropa de Elite. An unfortunate result of this popular film and its recent sequel is that it has made Rio violence into something of a national spectacle, though the mainstream media had also done the same thing to some extent. In some cases, it was old fashioned voyeurism, in which a young favela resident and citizen journalist began documenting what was happening in the Complexo de Alemao favela on Twitter and became an overnight celebrity. Comedy blogger Kibe Loco posted a series of photos satirizing the events, pointing out that the police and military declared victory of defeating the traffickers and assuming control of the favela on top a building that is actually being constructed by the federal government. In Rio, street merchants started selling DVDs called "Terror in Rio 2010," featuring TV clips about the recent violence. One seller told the media, "O povo adora ver desgraça." [People love seeing tragedy] Meanwhile, someone created a flash game called "Fuga da Vila Cruzeiro," where the player tries to shoot down the drug traffickers fleeing the Vila Cruzeiro favela. The game has been played over 300,000 times since its release on November 29th.
Reactions by analysts were generally the same: the government is making progress, but it is not nearly enough. The Economist compared Rio's violence problems to a beautiful woman with rotting teeth, and filmmaker Jose Padilha discussed the many issues that remain to be tackled, claiming that while UPPs are a viable medicine, they ignore the root causes of the patient's disease, arguing that serious reforms are still needed. Blogger Julia Michaels has a series of excellent posts outlining the events and remaining challenges, explaining that militias are still a big problem, as well as leaving favelas outside of society and formal institutions. And security expert Luiz Eduardo Soares has an extensive op ed piece on his blog where he criticizes the media coverage of the events and emphasizes the need to reform the police.
While I agree that expanding the UPPs, reforming the police and making concrete social and economic improvements in the favelas are legitimate and positive solutions, one of the things that stood out the most about the events for me was rule of law. While many people seemed satisfied with the arrests of drug traffickers and seizures of drugs and contraband, not many seemed to realize that some of the arrested criminals are getting sent to the exact same maximum security prison where the original attack orders were made via cell phone. The holes in the system from these events are obvious, between the Parana prison security and the military police ransacking people's homes. But it goes far beyond that, and a major reform of the judicial and penitentiary systems is key in the overall approach to combatting violence in Rio. Unfortunately, though, it's not just a matter of changing laws, since rule of law is also a cultural obstacle in Rio. In the land of the jeitinho, in a city where so many people take advantage of loopholes or even flaunt rules and laws, it will require an attitude and culture shift to fully tackle these complex, deeply rooted issues. Until the law applies to everyone, until punishment is swift and just, and until everyone is entitled to security regardless of where they live, pacification will continue to be a struggle.
Here is part one of two posts on the violence in Rio last week. This post will cover my perspective from the ground, and the second one later this week will be a more comprehensive analysis that will cover more of the facts and media coverage.
When I first touched down in Rio after being away for over a year, I was initially stuck by the fact that I couldn't find Igreja da Penha, the gorgeous church that sits on a lumpy hill visible from the international airport. It's a beacon I look for every time I fly into the city, a kind of welcome I look forward to every time. Since I'd flown a different airline that arrived at a different terminal, I figured I wouldn't be able to see it this time. Little did I know that Penha and the surrounding favelas would become Ground Zero of one of the most violent weeks in recent Carioca history.
The next day, the reports started to trickle in, and a distinct nervousness began to percolate through the city. Drug traffickers were setting fire to buses and cars, including in the Zona Oeste where we were staying. Others had attacked a military police station. The evening news reported that imprisoned Rio traffickers that had been transferred to a maximum security jail in Parana had sent out the order by cell phone, allegedly to protest the presence police pacification units in several Rio favelas. It reminded me of the rash of violence in Sao Paulo that happened in a similar manner, a terrifying period that later inspired the movie Salve Geral.
By the second day, the newspapers were embossed with photos of blazing buses, and people in the streets were glued to the TVs in juice bars and cafes to watch the news. RJTV, the local Globo station, began running extra coverage, calling in experts to analyze the recent events. The police began a full scale operation to combat traffickers in the favelas, which Globo would later proclaim was the largest operation ever in the city. People seemed to be getting more and more nervous, but I wasn't terribly worried. We hadn't seen anything happening that we'd seen on the news, and the city seemed to be business as usual. But stories of terror throughout the city passed from friend to friend in furtive bar chatter, from relatives on anxious cell phone calls, and on Twitter, and it wasn't always clear what was true.
On Wednesday, I was running errands with my brother-in-law, his fiance, and my sister-in-law (who had stayed home from school for fear of the violence). We were in Zona Oeste, doing typical pre-wedding things like picking up suits and getting party favors. We made a quick stop at a grocery store when the bride to be got a call from her father, who we'd just run into on the street. There was a shootout taking place just a few blocks away, in a place we'd been just minutes before. She went into panic mode, urging us to leave NOW. We reasoned with her, pointing out it was probably safer to stay inside. We didn't come across anything on our way home though, and we all breathed a sigh of relief to get back safely.
Then the attacks began to escalate, and on Thursday, we were at a bar waiting for a friend and noticed everyone glued to the TVs. The news was showing images of heavily armed bandidos fleeing a recently invaded favela on foot and by truck and motorcycle. The video was unnerving, bringing the question to mind: how had Globo managed to capture the escape, but the police had seemingly done nothing? Cariocas watched the scenes played over and over in shock and disbelief.
That night, we were hoping to wander around Ipanema a bit, but we noticed that stores were shutting down early and while in line at a drugstore, the check out lady got a call, apparently from her boss, telling her to shut the store down in an hour. When we walked outside, everything was literally shutting down, and there were few people on the street for the early evening - it was eerie. So we hustled home.
By Friday, the city was in a state of panic, and I was starting to worry. Cariocas deal with violence on a regular basis, and seeing them get more and more anxious was almost scaring me more than the actual attacks and warfare. At the hair salon, I watched the news out of the corner of my eye, noticing that Globo had outfitted its reporters with bright blue bullet proof vests, complete with a Globo logo. I found a newspaper to flip through as I waited for my sister-in-law. Globo had issued a special edition, with a huge headline declaring it was D Day for the war on drug trafficking, with a political cartoon showing Cristo wearing a police cap and vest. There was an article about how the army had been called in to work with the military police, and later in the day I'd find out that Eli's cousin's husband, who was staying with us, in town from a neighboring state, had been put on call to be deployed if necessary (fortunately, he wasn't). People began calling to say they wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding because they were afraid to leave their homes. My sister-in-law had invited a bunch of her school friends and only one came - because she lives near Vila Cruzeiro, where one of the police operations was taking place, and her mom reasoned it would actually be safer for her to spend the night across town.
The wedding went perfectly and we all had a great time, but around eighty people out of 240 guests didn't come. I had to avoid looking at the empty tables because they broke my heart. When Eli's cousins drove back to Zona Sul at around 2AM on Avenida Brasil, one of the major highways connecting downtown Rio to the suburbs, they told us they were one of just a handful of cars on the road.
Over the weekend, o bicho pegou, so to speak. The military and police scaled up their operations, invading Complexo do Alemao, one of the most dangerous favelas in the city. Arrests were made and contraband was recovered, and by Sunday afternoon, the armed forces had declared victory. On live TV, soldiers erected a Brazilian and Rio state flag from one of the highest buildings in the favela in an attempt to reassure the populace that the government was finally in control and that the violence would stop. At the time, I was eating lunch with my in-laws, and people warily watched the so-called victory over bites of fish and French fries. The scene reminded me of George Bush's "Mission Accomplished" extravaganza; people did seem a little more calm, but it was hardly the end of Rio's violence woes. Fortunately, though, the vehicle attacks petered out by the next day, and the city was almost back to normal by Monday.
On the way back to my in-laws later on Sunday, we were driving through Zona Oeste, and I was chatting with my sister-in-law in the back seat. All of the sudden, we heard a loud pop-pop-pop sound coming from the side of the road. My sister-in-law went silent and turned white, and I suddenly stopped breathing and my heart missed a few beats, before we realized it was just fireworks. But that one moment of terror finally made the week's hellish violence real to me.
What struck me the most about the Rio events was how it was made into a spectacle, a kind of Carnival of violence, with everything broadcast live on TV - scenes of gunfire, fires blazing, tanks rolling through the streets, reporters ducking behind barricades, and traffickers being arrested. The mind-boggling thing is that what took place in terms of police action in Alemao could have happened at any time, months or even years ago, but didn't, due to a lack of political will and an unfortunate dose of corruption and cooperation with traffickers. Finally, when the public pressure became too much, finally the politicians were forced to bring in the big guns and launch a full scale invasion to bring the favela under government control - at least for now.
As our flight to New York taxied on the runway, I finally caught a glimpse of Igreja da Penha, and watched it until the plane rounded the corner. TAM shows commercials before takeoff, for some reason, and I absently watched one for Bovespa and then a commercial from the Brazil Tourism Bureau:
And as the slightly cheesy commercial came to an end, I inexplicably burst into tears. It killed me to leave a place I love so much, that no amount of violence or fear can keep me away from.
